Emotional pain is usually comprised of two major interacting components: one is the domain of our feelings, and the other is the actual problem/situation that may be at the root of our feelings. It is often extremely difficult to cope with emotional pain when we are trying to deal with both of these domains at the same time. It can feel insurmountable, and it can also lead to increased confusion which itself adds more pain and suffering. In finding effective solutions, we can try to differentiate between the “feeling” and the “problem itself” (i.e., how you feel about the situation versus what is actually taking place in the situation).
See if you can focus on your feelings:
- Examine where these feelings may be coming from (e.g. fear, loss, guilt)
- Are your feelings pushing you into doing things that might be against your better judgement?
- Are your feelings accurate, or are you overreacting to the actual situation?
- Can you see feelings and thoughts as waves that come and go? Can you watch them with wise attention?
This is referred to as emotionally-focused coping.
Also, see if you can focus on the problem:
- Are you seeing the situation apart from your feelings about the situation?
- Are there steps you could take that would help to solve this problem?
- Has this problem occurred in the past?
- What helpful steps did you take then?
Decide to act based on your understanding of the problem. Deciding to do nothing is also taking action. Dealing with the problem in the present moment is called problem-focused coping.