Managing strong emotions.
Prior musings have outlined a method of optimizing physical, mental and spiritual health by focusing on self-care and embracing the mindful attitudes of non-judgmental acceptance, patience, curiosity, trust, non-striving and letting go.
This musing will focus on the management of strong emotions as an essential element for balanced well-being.
Many of us have been taught to avoid strong emotions, especially negative experiences such as anger, shame, guilt, embarassment and sadness. It is helpful to develop a healthier relationship with our emotions-to see them as useful messages rather than unwanted visitors that overwhelm us.
We resist the full experience of these emotions because they can be very uncomfortable. We fear being swept up by emotions and losing touch with reason and self-control. Our pride steers us away from potentially embarrassing emotional displays. Unfortunately, “what you resist persists” and even grows stronger. Building walls around our emotions will eventually increase our isolation, reactivity and reduce our energy, problem solving abilities, joy and creativity.
If we can actually co-exist with and accept our emotions , surprisingly, the fear and negative impact around them will be reduced. Try using curiosity with questions to oneself such as “what does this emotion feel like in the body right now?” ; “how intense is it?” “what are its boundaries?”
Employing curiosity and bodily sensation focus allows a little space to appear around the emotion. In so doing, the strong emotion may soften and even disappear in a few minutes, much like a cloud in the sky. Often we get attached to the “story” that triggered the emotions. See if you can focus more on your own reaction rather than the trigger event. Strong emotions are intensified if we feed them with fear and negative thoughts. Wishing things were different, or conjuring up a string of negative associations from the past or fear about the future will magnify the strong emotion. Calm observation without overreacting allows the emotion to pass naturally, without forcing or grasping. Instead of avoiding strong emotions, focusing on them with mindful attention and calm observation will show how fleeting they are. Strong emotions only have the power we give them.
We are not our emotions. They are simply an aspect of our greater self. When viewed as messengers, we can uncover the reason for the emotions and work with them effectively. Our calm, centred self can be in the driver’s seat even in the midst of an emotional storm.
Mindfulness helps us focus on how we are doing in this present moment, allowing letting go of the past or future. This helps us ride emotional waves more effectively as our energy can be utilized for doing our best in the here and now.
Our handling of strong emotion will vary depending on our level of fatigue, stress, nutrition or general health. It is important to be kind to ourselves no matter how well or poorly we have managed any particular situation. These ups and downs are a normal part of the human condition.
Mindful Home Practice:
Consider keeping a journal about strong emotions. Note the circumstances, bodily sensations that occurred and how they were handled. Was there overreaction? Holding on? Avoidance? Clinging to the story? Were the strong emotions allowed to naturally dissipate or were they amplified by feeding them? Any recurring triggers? Does your handling of strong emotions vary? Can you develop a healthier relationship to your emotions?