Self Compassion
Prior musings have outlined a method of optimizing physical, mental and spiritual health by focusing on self-care and embracing the mindful attitudes of non-judgmental acceptance, patience, curiosity, trust, non-striving and letting go.
This musing will focus on another mindful attitude: kindness. It is the unspoken underpinning of all mindful practice. Infusing kindness into mindful practice gives an essential focus and intent. Lovingkindness is undifferentiated, unconditional good will and love given to others no matter whether they are suffering or at peace.
Many people find it easy to be kind to others and but difficult to be kind to themselves. We are taught at a young age that giving is rewarding,but giving to ourselves in equal measure is somehow selfish.
Compassion is lovingkindness directed with the intent to relieve the suffering of someone else. Self compassion is the wish to relieve our own suffering. By being kinder to ourselves and more balanced in our give and take we can allow acceptance of our imperfections. We can soften or reverse the isolation, severity, harshnesss and self-judgment that go with relentless self criticism. Please refer to recent work by Drs Kristin Neff and Chris Germer and others that make a compelling case for self compassion.
Essentially it is about including ourselves, as much as anyone, else equally in the circle of compassion. It is not at all selfish, as the kinder we are to ourselves, the more genuinely we can care about and for others. By keeping our inner core healthy, we can effectively give to others without “burning out”. This is very important for caregivers in a personal or in a professional capacity.
A helpful exercise as a caregiver is the “one for me, one for you” concept. In a difficult situation, where the recipient of your loving kindness and compassion is challenging or very needy, remember to take a break, breathe and give yourself a mental or physical little hug. Touching our own belly, upper arms or heart area sends a soothing message to ourselves.
As you take a few breaths, repeat to yourself “one breath for me, one for you”. This exercise may sound odd, but it does work physiologically! It is about a slight softening of our inner critic, accepting self care and treating ourselves gently.
Mindfulness is helpful to cultivate awareness of our inner voice and bodily sensations that relate to self criticism and potential burnout. Mindfulness and self-compassion are like two wings on the bird of emotional health and life balance.
Maintaining your own health and resilience is a gift to yourself and ultimately others.
Mindful Home Practice:
Assess your level of self-compassion. Try the “one for me,one for you” breathing technique.Perhaps keep a journal that documents your inner state of balance,energy,resilience,self care and inner dialogue. Can you notice a gradual softening of your inner critic and a willingness to include yourself in the circle of caring?
There are many meditation techniques that include self-compassion. Please visit our website www.managestress.ca for links.