Prior musings have outlined a method of optimizing physical, mental and spiritual health by focusing on self-care and embracing the mindful attitudes of non-judgmental acceptance, patience, curiosity, trust, non-striving,letting go and kindness.
Some of us are blessed by sharing our lives with a compatible partner. If so, you already know what works to nurture your togetherness. This musing offers a mindful perspective on the topic of maintaining and enhancing that partnership.
There is a wide spectrum of closeness in long term relationships from joined-at-the-hip, do everything together couples to an almost business-like mostly independepent co-existence. Anything along this spectrum can be considered healthy as long as both partners are satisfied with the arrangement. No matter where on this spectrum a couple’s relationship may lie, there is a common set of values and attitudes that can be helpful.
Attitudes such as kindness, respect, communication, compromise, patience, loyalty, trust, joy, creativity and humour come to mind. It’s a big list, but all of these elements help cultivate healthy relationships.
Mindfulness helps build awareness skills. Moment-to-moment awareness of our thoughts, emotions and impulses helps us to become less reactive. We can access our calm, creative prefrontal part of our brains when we encounter a challenging situation. This is very helpful when negotiating about activities, finances, sex life, goals and the myriad of other day-to-day meeting points encountered in a long term relationship.
Conflict is inevitable, it is how it is resolved that counts. Helpful communication is more likely to occur when both parties are calm, present and available. If we can stay present without dragging emotionally-laden past problems into present moment concerns, there is a greater likelihood of effective communication, problem solving and togetherness.
Letting go is also essential. Everyone makes mistakes, making forgiveness an important element. Holding on to resentment tends to poison oneself (and the relationship) while hoping the other person gets ill.
Mindfulness promotes joy and creativity. This is essential to keep a relationship as fresh and alive as possible. An attitude of moment-to-moment curiosity (beginner’s mind) is helpful in this regard.
Mindful Home Practice:
Consider having regular, perhaps weekly, mindful meetings to enhance and nurture your relationship. One method that works for many couples is to allow each person to have an uninterrupted 5″ mindful speaking session that the listener paraphrases back to the speaker without justification nor defence , just acknowledgement. Taking turns doing that regularly promotes mutual acceptance and understanding. The other part of the meeting can be for practical short and long term planning. Mindful co-existence with kindness, joy and creativity can enrich family life immeasurably. Please visit www.managestress.ca for more information.