To be truly kind to yourself requires self compassion.
What is compassion?
What is self compassion?
Compassion is recognizing suffering and feeling the emotional response.
Self compassion is recognizing our own suffering and feeling our emotional response.
All too often it seems that so much suffering comes from the simple fact that people are much too hard on themselves. This is truly an epidemic that has never been fully acknowledged or named. In all likelihood, you probably wouldn’t treat a friend the way you treat yourself. For one thing, if you did, you might not have any friends.
In a past mindfulness class, a women reflected on her internal dialogue and realized that hardly a day went by that she didn’t call herself an asshole. Another women quickly added that she calls herself an idiot everyday, and then a man said he called himself stupid and worthless on a regular basis. Why do we say these things to ourselves?
A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook
Bob Stahl PH.D Elisha Goldstein, PH.D
Foreword Jon Kabat-Zinn PH.D Saki Santorelli, ED.D
“The biggest reason people aren’t more self compassionate is that they are afraid they’ll become self-indulgent. Our culture believes self criticism is what keeps them in line, and being hard on ourselves is the way to be.” Kristen Neff PH.D
“It isn’t what happens to us that causes us to suffer. It is what we say to ourselves about what happens.” Pema Chodron
Three Principles of Self Compassion:
Mindfulness
Self compassion requires mindfulness: i.e. recognizing and being aware of when we are suffering, and recognizing our pain without exaggerating it, or adding to it–specifically when our inner critic, or our inner voice criticizes ourselves when things don’t go the way we think they should.
Common Humanity
Requires a recognition that all living beings suffer; suffering from difficult situations and suffering from their own inner critic.
Self Kindness
Self kindness, Understanding and not believing in this miss truth of our conditioned auto pilot programed harsh inner critic, and Rewiring the mind to be gentle, kind and understanding towards ourselves…
Mindful Exercise:
Exploring how the self critic, mindfulness and self compassion feel like in the body.
~Begin by making a fist with both hands, creating tension in the arms and hands.
Hold for 10 seconds. What does this feel like?
Maybe you notice a tight, rigid or burning sensation.
This symbolizes how our self critic initiates the stress response in our body creating tension and stress.
~Now slowly open the fists with palms facing upwards.
Hold for 10 seconds. What does this feel like?
Maybe you notice openness, lightness or a sense of spaciousness.
This symbolizes how mindfulness allows the space and time for ourselves to recognize when we are suffering.
~Now gently place one palm on your chest and then the other palm slightly overlapping on your chest, arms, belly or face. Whichever feels more comfortable.
Hold for 10 seconds. What does this feel like?
Maybe you notice warmth, softness or gentleness.
This symbolizes kindness, being gentle and kind with ourselves, taking time to be concerned with our own well-being.
~Now release your hands, and gently bring them back down by your side.
Each judgement we make of others, and especially of ourselves, initiates the stress reaction. Each judgement creates tension in our body, adding to our pain in mind and body.
The gesture of palms on the heart (or even gently holding our upper arms), stops the body’s stress reaction system and initiates our relaxation response system in the body… As little as 30 seconds Can initiate this process…
“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection ” Buddha
This self compassion information, and self compassion meditation, is taken from Kristen Neff and Chris Germer, the founders of the Self Compassion Program.