Prior musings have outlined a method of optimizing physical, mental and spiritual health by focusing on self-care and embracing the mindful attitudes of non-judgmental acceptance, patience, curiosity, trust, non-striving and letting go. This article will introduce the concept of mindful communication as a tool to promote mental health.
Healthy relationships are built on clear equal sharing of ideas,goals,thoughts and feelings. We live in a complex world with a wide range of communication tools. While Facebook,Twitter,emails,instant messaging and Skype make the telephone call a rarity, face to face,direct dialogue has the most potential to effectively share thoughts and feelings.
Consider the mnemonic FREE for communication.
F represents “figure out” how you are feeling and what you wish to communicate in any given moment. Being fully present and calm is essential. Communication while upset is often ineffective, if not destructive. Strong emotion gets all the attention,obscuring the intended message. Remember: you can emote OR communicate. It is more effective to release strong emotion in a safe way on your own (exercising,writing ,yelling at the moon,etc.)
A few deep breaths can help centre oneself and truly figure out what needs to be said. There is a much greater chance of being truly heard if delivery is calm,focused and honest.
It is also imperative to ensure the other party is available and present before initiating dialogue.
R is for responsibility. We need to acknowledge that we are responsible for our own thoughts and feelings. When we get angry or upset, that is our reaction to the other person. Accepting that resposibility paves the way for meaningful,effective communication.
E is for expression. Assertive statements such as “I feel…” “here is what I notice…” “could you clarify for me?”. “could you help me with…?” are assertive,meaning that you are no less nor more important than the other person. Eccesive passivity or aggression tends to block communication.
E is for empathy. Attentive listening to others and acknowledging their viewpoint without judgement promotes dialogue. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Misunderstandings and emotional challenges are often simply solved with deep listening.
These suggestions by no means guarantee satisfying communication in every situation. However,using these tips will greatly increase your chances of success. You can optimize your side of any given encounter, but have no control over others. Acceptance of these realistic limitations will reduce frustration and suffering.
Moment by moment awareness and communication are important pieces of the mental health puzzle.
Mindful homework:
Tune in to your communication style. Are you checking in with others to ensure they are fully present and available ? Are you taking responsibility ? Are you calm and centred? Are you deeply listening? Consider journaling to increase your self awareness and improve your communication in difficult situations. Be kind to yourself, building on improvements and learning from setbacks.
For optimal health, one needs to develop self-awareness, have clear health goals, a willingness to make necessary changes and an attitude of openness, acceptance and gratitude.